I know I’ve been away from blogging for a long time.  A thousand apologies and few not-very-original excuses as well.  It’s a sordid story full of spam/hacking/evil internet gremlin trauma but now I’m back (albeit in WordPress format so please, update your bookmarks)…and just in time, as I’ve had a close encounter with how tricky career decisions can be sometimes. 

And you thought I was ignoring you while I vacationed off the coast of France or something, didn’t you?

I applied for an interesting job recently.  It’s a job I’ve seen many people do over the years and feeling a renewed interest in the work and the organization, I finally decided to apply for it, sorta kinda thinking that I might not get an interview (it’s a Big job).

In the interview, I found out more about how the role has evolved and what it looks like today and going forward.  It was really exciting and the director of the department is really inspiring and I knew that this was one of those crossroad moments:  keep going down the “big job” path or stay where I am.  

That might sound like a no-brainer decision but “where I am now” is actually a place I’ve chosen to be and have had to compromise to get to.  I reduced from full-time, traditional employment two years ago to working 3 days/week and spending 2 days/week running my own business and working on writing books.   I realized after the interview that if I was successful in being offered the “big job”, I’d have to go back to full-time, traditional–albeit fun, exciting and Big–employment and give up some of my many other career-building projects. 

Hunh.  Much waffling ensued.  Some fussing was also thrown in there just because it seems to be in my genetic makeup to waffle and fuss simultaneously.   Husband knew the right answer but wisely let me dither.

I asked myself and others, “am I afraid?” and “what do I want my life to look like?” and “what am I thinking even doubting how cool and exciting and challenging this move would be?”  Relatives and friends weighed in with everything from, ”We’ll support you in whatever you decide” to “Are you crazy?  You love your life and career right now! Don’t change a thing.” to “Are you crazy?  Why would you give up a fantastic opportunity like this?  Go for it!”

Avoiding the “big” path, the prestige, the challenges, the increased responsibility, the managing of programs and people, the travelling up the career ladder…it’s not easy.  And sometimes, I know people think I’m making the wrong decision.  They shake their heads and mutter things about “not living up to my potential”. 

Sometimes, I wonder if they’re right.

But then, I think:  what do I love to do?  what do I want my life to look like?  Two years from now?  20 years from now?

And it doesn’t get easier, but the choice is clear.